New Update

Well, so much has happened since I last wrote. My oldest had "summer" vacation. I use the term summer very loosely, because for the first 2 months it rained non-stop.

About 2 months ago, I went to my doctor for an issue. When I left, I walked out knowing that I had a lump on my thyroid. I knew there was a problem, but couldn't put my finger on it. The doctor visit was not to check my thyroid. It was another issue that could be linked to the thyroid.

Anyway, less than 2 weeks later, I went to an endocrinologist. She confirmed that there is a lump (over 1 cm). A biopsy was scheduled. I also had some bloodwork done to see if it was autobody. That test came back negative. So the biopsy date came. Let me tell you, that was worse than labor and I delivered my first 2 children without pain meds. I would know the results of the biopsy in a week.

I wasn't too concerned about it. After all, thyroid lumps run in my mom's family. All of theirs came back benign. I figured mine would too.

Then the call came. I have thyroid cancer. Everything went foggy. I caught snatches of what the doctor was telling. Words like surgery, total thyroidectomy, medicine, the rest of my life. The endocrinologist did finish with "This is the best kind of cancer to have, because it is cureable." My personal preference would be the non-existent kind.

I called clients and told them that I would not be accepting any new projects for a while. I also called close family and told them the news. Then I sent out an email letting others know. I just could not get through another phone call. When I finally got a hold of my husband, he was floored. His supervisor sent him home early.

For the next 2 days, my inbox was full of emails letting me know that people were praying for me. My answering machine also got many messages of love. People were coming out of the woodwork letting me know how much they cared. It has been overwhelming. One lady from an online group sent me a list of Bible verses. I have been writing them on 3x5 cards and putting them in a flip book. I'm taking this to the hospital with me.

Right now, I'm hoping and praying for the best, but planning for the worst. I love that God has given us HOPE.

I'm trying to stay positive as that is what people need me to be right now. I have many people looking at me with looks of apology like they wished this on me. I feel like people are watching and waiting for me to breakdown. Everytime I leave the house, the brave face goes on. One of the most common questions that gets asked is, "How are you doing?" In my mind I'm screaming, "I have cancer what do you expect.", but my answer is always, "I'm doing great. Just keeping positive." There are a few that I feel are following me. Waiting for me to start bawling, so that they can be there to be the shoulder to cry on.

I'll write more later. I need to get my children out of the house. It feels as if it is closing in on me. The surgery is looming closer. This Thursday to be exact. Maybe if I keep busy enough it will go away.